We all knew this was coming...

                                           Damn, this thing is shiny.

We'd been waiting for it all day. The "epic" column that we knew would emerge on ESPN.com in the early afternoon. The only question was how many words? 5,000? 10,000? Maybe this was one of those special 20,000 occasions. 

Well, it worked out to just under 4,000, in case you had placed bets, and it was as predictable as ever: open with an SNL reference, one source (Dad of course), and enough home-town bias to make you sick. Seriously, Simmons alone may be fueling the growing hatred of all Boston sports. 

I'll be honest. I was rooting for the Celtics. No, I'm not a die-hard fan, but I'm from the area and I like Pierce and I thought it was a good story. Sure everyone hates Boston sports, but it's kind of cool a team make that kind of comeback just one year later. 

The point is, it was a good story. In fact there were so many good stories within the series. But, of course, the SG doesn't see that, he only sees green.

If your a Laker's fan, you didn't get through the first 50 words of the SG's column without sticking your head under a lawnmower. Simmons had an opportunity to show so much pride in his team and instead he just trashed the Lakers.

Here are some other gems from the column exposing the SG for what he is.

We watched that guy grow up. We watched him become a man. We believed in him, we gave up on him, and we believed in him again. I don't mean to sound like the old man in "Pretty Woman," but part of me wanted to walk on the court Tuesday night and just tell Pierce, "It's hard for me to say this without sounding condescending, but I'm proud of you."

Of course you wanted to talk to Pierce, but that's not your style, is it SG? No you'd rather lurk in the shadows with your Pops that actually sit down and talk with a player.

This chant happened after the game, when they were interviewing Doc Rivers on the podium after the celebration. (Important note: I was wrong about Terry Francona in 2004, and I was wrong about Doc in 2008. That's not earth-shattering news because I'm wrong many times. But this time, I was really, REALLY wrong -- the guys gave him everything they had in the Finals. This had to be mentioned.)

No SG, that is  not earth-shattering news. For me this harkens back to the time you were wrong about a guaranteed Patriot's Super Bowl victory.

Of course this wouldn't be an SG column without Pops. (Attention fans of virtually any sports team outside of Boston: This will piss you off.)

Anyway, my father deserved the title as much as anyone. I was somewhere between 100 and 500 times happier for him than I was for anyone else. We parted ways after the game, shared a hug and successfully avoided getting choked up, although, in retrospect, that wouldn't have been a bad thing.

For most, this is downright offensive. He deserved it? Really?!? In my lifetime, (since 1985), Boston sports teams have won seven championships. I'm a Red Sox fan (NOT A PATS FAN) and I'm more than happy to see the Sox win the World Series, in fact I feel fortunate. But the SG's Dad did not deserve this. Some people go their entire lives following two or three teams and maybe catch one, if that (i.e. Cleveland, Buffalo, Seattle, Cincinnati.)

Am I happy the Celts won? Yeah, I'm happy, but the SG's column almost makes me enjoy it less.